Desperately Seeking Diabetes Nanny.
Wonderful opportunity for the right individual.
Duties include, but are not limited to:
- Cajoling me to check my blood sugars, even though I wear a CGM and am sometimes lulled into a sense of false security
- Showing me that sometimes, a CGM can be wrong but that it’s OK
- Forcing me to sit and calculate how many carbohydrates will going into my mouth, factoring in the fat and protein content with that wild card of how much insulin I currently have on board and how much exercise I might be doing in the near future (or how much I did in the distant past) and if it’s that time of the month or if I’m not feeling well or… at least telling me that it’s OK that the amount of insulin I take is based on too many factors to nail it every time
- Waking me up when that alarm goes off, signifying a low blood glucose level in the middle of the night, because I might be sleeping peacefully and soundly (Because who needs an uninterrupted night’s sleep? Not this woman.) and stuffing me with glucose when I tell you that I’m perfectly fine
But wait… there’s more!
- Ensuring that I have, in my possession, before I leave the house: my meter, my strips, emergency glucose that doesn’t taste yucky (Glucolift, FTW), back-up insulin to inject if my pump fails, an extra pump cartridge, an extra infusion set, a snack in case I get caught somewhere and can’t get something to eat
- Willing to navigate the labyrinth called the U.S. Healthcare system with its endless medical necessity letters and insurance claims that get kicked back and the multiple phone calls required to get a straight answer about what is covered and what isn’t covered
- Patting my hand (or covering my mouth) when someone makes an ignorant comment about diabetes and I have to give the elevator speech about what diabetes is and isn’t, how we get it and how we don’t, and that sugar isn’t our enemy (our pancreases are)
- Pushing me to stand up and take a stand when I see injustice in the world: lack of access to the drugs, devices, and services that can keep people with diabetes healthy – and alive
Let’s not forget this part of the job!
- Holding me tightly when I am drenched in sweat, shaking, and unable to wait that proposed 15 minutes before ingesting another 15 or 30 grams of carbohydrates after a gut-wrenching low blood sugar – or when I am lethargic, thirsty, and bitchy after a high blood sugar that came out of nowhere
- Reminding me that complications can happen to everyone with diabetes, no matter how tightly or loosely controlled their management has been and that it doesn’t make me – or anyone else with diabetes – a “bad” person
- Lifting my head to look to the horizon for small, but important, advances in diabetes research to inspire me to keep going
- Consoling me when I learn of a life lost to diabetes
- Understanding that I will never be cured, even if a “cure” is found tomorrow, as the damage done to my body will stay long after diabetes is gone
- Keeping me sane when diabetes slows me down
Important aspects of being a diabetes nanny you should know about:
This is a 24/7/365 position.
There are no vacation days, sick leave, retirement plan.
You’ll get on-the-job training, as the manuals don’t seem to cover the day-to-day living with diabetes.
This job has been held by parents, friends, coworkers, spouses, and sometimes, strangers, but they can’t really explain what they did or how they did it. You’ve got to experience it for yourself.
You may not be angry at me (or the world) for having diabetes, although you can be angry with me.
Did I mention that this is an unpaid position and no opportunity to advance?
Whiners and martyrs need not apply.
Applications being accepted now.