I fear the Zombie Apocalypse.
Ever watch Zombieland? That’s pretty much what I expect life after Zombies to be, not the Walking Dead scenario. There are rules, according to Zombieland, that you must learn quickly to do – and avoid – in order to survive the brain munching masses.
The rules don’t cover diabetes and the Zombie Apocalypse.
But I have a plan.
Today’s topic for Diabetes Blog Week is this:
What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you’re mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it?
I have a diabetes closet. It was a linen closet once, but now the towels and sheets are relegated to a single shelf. Diabetes took over.
I won’t clean out my diabetes closet. Get rid of something? Nope.
In case of the Zombie Uprising, I will need every lancet in that box, every extra reservoir for insulin pumps that I no longer use. A bag of infusion tubing (But of course, no extra insertion sets, because I never seemed to change out both at the same time). What will I do with them? Sling shot material and projectiles. Finally going to put that extra tubing to good use!
Zombie McGuyver. That’s me.
You never know if those alcohol swabs that cascaded out of the box one day and landed at the bottom of my closet will come in handy to clean out a zombie bite.
I’ve got at least 10 cases to old diabetes devices that I can use to lob at their heads to confuse and stun those shambling husks.
Expired glucagon kits. I have two sitting there (and I’m proud of the fact that they are sitting there, because it means I didn’t use them!). I can whip those suckers at their feet, hoping to trip them.
Syringes with a prescription sticker attached to the box telling me that the syringes could apply for a driver’s permit. Would I use them now? Probably not. Zombie at my door? Totally.
Old meters. Back up emergency strips that I would really never use in an emergency, but what if… what if I needed them? Expired ketone strips? The vials are viable as weapons.
A tube of glucose gel that will never touch my lips because I watched a friend shudder and squirm after sucking one down in desperation. Not a resounding recommendation, so it’s a last resort that I’ve never had to use. Squirt that sweet yuck into their eyes!
Do I need to clean out my diabetes closet?
Nope. Saving it all as ammunition, because you know those zombies will have raided the pharmacy first before heading to my house and they’re carrying insulin to entice me out.
They want my brains… I want their pancreases.
I’m ready for the Zombie Apocalypse. I’ll clean out my diabetes closet then.