“8.1%,” he quietly stated.
The creamy beige walls with the non-offensive beach landscape blurred and dripped when I moved my head to the side. The tears were expected, but they were supposed to be parking lot tears where privacy could be assured. I didn’t want to cry in front of my endocrinologist. I was a strong patient. I was enthusiastic. I was upbeat.
I was defeated.
The words tumbled out. “I’m up to 5 shots a day, taking small correction boluses. I’m testing every three hours. I’m counting all my carbs. I’m doing everything you’ve told me to do. What else can I do?”
He slid a folder across the desk towards me. Bold red letters and happy people wearing sports wear looking…sporty.
“It’s time for you to seriously think about a pump. Other patients have done well with them and I think you could do it.”
The tears burned as they flowed faster down my checks. I hiccuped.
“I don’t want to be attached to something mechanical 24 hours a day. It’ll be a constant reminder that I’m diabetic.”
He smiled. “Aren’t you constantly being reminded right now?”
And that was the game changer.
A month later, I became attached to something mechanical 24 hours a day. My Disetronic D-Tron (may it rest in peace).
I was able to sleep late without worrying that my schedule would be thrown off. I discovered that eating ice cream (in moderation) and bolusing for it relieved me of most of my guilt about eating the delectable morsels of cold goodness. I watched my A1C go from 8.1 to 7.3 to 6.4%. I’m like Charleston Heston telling you that you’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. (Um. Charleston. I’m gonna take that from you now, K?)
Fourteen years later, I am still grateful to this doctor’s gentle prodding and suggestion.
For me, the pump is a constant reminder… that I want to be healthy and that I am doing everything I can to live a long and fruitful life.
And that means I get to stay in the game.
I’m participating in Diabetes Blog Week 2013. This is the prompt:
Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere…. your or your loved one’s diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.
Want to see what other bloggers think of their most memorable diabetes day? Click this link and find out.