I’ve decided to take a break from my insulin pump.
Granted, we’re not breaking up permanently. I’m just going to see other insulin regimens for a little while.
I need a break.
After a “naked” shower earlier this week, which always leaves me feeling elated and extra clean (no worries about scrubbing and ripping an insertion set off), I wrapped myself in a towel and glanced over at the counter where the next round of “Who wants to play a pancreas?” waited to be inserted.
And I just couldn’t do it.
The thoughts shot quickly and unexpectedly through my brain:
- “How much longer will I need to do this?”
- “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
- “I don’t want to do this.”
- “Nope. Not doing this.”
And then I walked away.
Diabetes isn’t a part-time gig. We all know that. I can’t just not show up and expect to live much longer, so when I walked away after that little internal hissy-fit, reality set in and more productive thoughts trickled through:
- “So, what can I do to change the way I’m feeling about putting another insertion set in?”
- “What are my other options?”
Seventeen years with insulin pump therapy have produced some of the best control I’ve ever had. It’s also been a pain in [insert body parts]. Always attached, always “almost” in the way. I have found that I hug my daughter differently based on where my infusion set is placed and where my pump is on my body.
I love my pump, but I need a break.
Nothing this major should be decided alone, although in the end, it’s me that gets to decide. My hissy-fit included a frantic text to my husband, telling him that I was going off the pump “right now!!!” and I was going to pick up a prescription of Tresiba. I had discussed it with my CDE a few weeks ago and we switched my “back up” insulin to it. (I have come close, but never had to use my back up insulin.)
Fortunately, one of us (hint: not me) is much more logical and rational. He reminded me that this was a major change and that he’d prefer to be around when I began the therapy change “just in case.” While I wear a CGM and mostly react to the alarms, I’m either home alone or just with the Kid most of the day. We agreed that I would wait until today to take a break.
Decision made, I put on my big girl pants (after all, I was still in a towel) and inserted my CGM sensor and my infusion set. Just to spite me, neither one hurt a bit or bled.
I have only used an insulin pen twice in my life. I had to read and re-read the instructions to make sure that I was doing it right. I instinctively rolled the pen in my hand to make sure it was mixed. (NPH, anyone?) Old habits die hard.
I just took my first injection of long-acting insulin in seventeen years.
New adventure. New medications. New challenges.
But a break all the same. Wish me luck!