I Forget To Remember

Days bleed, literally, into another with diabetes.

We plod along, following the routines we devised or been given to maintain a disease that plots against us. It is routine for us, but this wily condition throws curveballs when we least expect it.

It becomes tiresome. Boredom can set in. Familiarity breeds contempt. Slacking isn’t really an option, but there are days that I make it an option. The consequences may pop up but sometimes, albeit rare, you slide under the radar and nothing bad happens. Those are lucky days.

Diabetes, although I never expected it to be, has become a major focus in my life. I’m steeped in it, marinated in it. Between writing about it, talking about it, creating non-profits to help others raise their voices about it, helping create peer support opportunities for it… Diabetes is pumping through my heart, infusing itself throughout my body.

And yet, I forget. I forget why I do this. Why I care and keep checking and keep tweaking basal rates and seeing doctors and researching and speaking out and trying to break through the glass so everyone can stop looking at diabetes through a dirty lens. 

Then I remember why. 

   
I do it for her. We fought against the odds to get her here. She asked me yesterday if she will get diabetes like me when she is older. 

I told her that I didn’t know, but if I had my way, the answer would be no. 

But the answer right now if I don’t know isn’t good enough. I remember this.

  
I do it for him. He is the instigator of ideas, the man who pushes me forward when I don’t think I can go further, the comforter when I am panicking from a low, the one who reminds me that no one is expected to act like a major organ. He makes me remember.

  
I do it for them. These comrades in arms and insulin. I learn from them and get support. They deserve mine. And they take what they learn from each other and make the world a better place. 

  
 I do it for her. My brilliant pediatric endocrinologist who helped me to remember when I forgot. And she continues to help others remember when it is needed.

I forget sometimes. And then I remember that I do it for you. Me. Until the day comes when we can all forget diabetes, I will remember.

5 comments
  1. She is gorgeous!!!! Makes it all worth it.

  2. Hugs. I am so glad you have such amazing and adorable people in your life to keep you remembering. The question from your dear little one must be one of the hardest questions to hear and to answer. I’m sure it ranks right up there with the ‘are you worried your child might get it?’ question that strangers, friends and family ask without any idea how much anxiety the question may cause and how often you have likely thought about it yourself. I once asked that question to a mom with T1D of her daughter and the moment my words left my lips I knew it was a bad question and I couldn’t take it back.
    I like your answer to her and hope with all my heart that one day the answer will be a resounding ‘no’ because there will be no diabetes.
    Again I’m glad you have so many that keep you fighting on so many fronts. That hold you up and push you forward.
    I also hope that you know – that you remember – that YOU are also worth the fight. Do it for your daughter, your husband, your friends and other advocates, and your doctor but I hope you know how valuable you are and how doing it for yourself is just as worth remembering. The world is simply better with you.

  3. Hi Chirstel,
    Remember, YOU are an inspiration and doing a great service by fighting hard. Never, Never, Never give up!
    Dan

  4. Hi Christel,

    I only met you a month ago and feel as if I known you a life time. Your words touch those looking for a different but, better way of treating their illness. Yes, you have reminded me as well why I fight and continue to be strong for my family, and friends. I truly believe things happen so that others may learn and not making the same mistake twice. As I said before, you truly rock!

  5. Christel,
    I go in and out and on and off on how I chose to deal with my diabetes. You are right, it truly consumes us. I often wonder how much more of this I can take and then I too look around me at my wonderful son and husband. I hope others out there are lucky enough to have a support system. Last year I wound up in the hospital for 75 days from a foot blister that turned into a raging tissue infection and then MRSA and C-Diff from the hospital. Needless to say it was scary and terrified my family to lose me. I need to stay strong and keep fighting for all of us – even when I feel like not fighting. Keep up the good work – you are an inspiration to us!
    Lauren

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