I gave up.
“Jump high,” I smiled, holding onto her chubby arms and watching the curls bounce as she descended to the floor. The Kid stopped and cocked her head towards the machine. “What’s that?”
“It’s going to tell me what my A1C is. Mommy thinks it’s going to be higher than last time.” She’s already off, trying to open the cabinets underneath the sink.
And like I said, it was higher.
I texted John. “7.0% - Boo”, I type. And then Mr. Wisdom texts me back and with one sentence, puts it all in perspective.
“You used to be happy to see that number.”
He’s right. When the pendulum swung and I started to care about my diabetes and my body and my future, I had a long way to go before I saw 7.0% - and when I did, I was on cloud 9 (or cloud 7.0%).
You see, there were years that I would have been happy to just have a single digit A1C lab result. Truth be told? I think I hit above 14.0% in my teens. Yes. I know how high my blood sugars must have been. It was an overwhelmingly dark time in my life. I shudder even now, but have learned to accept the damage that I may have caused my body. It’s tough to swallow.
Nowadays, I shake my head at the old me, but I should also be shaking a finger at the current me. When I sat down with my CDE and talked about my cortisone injection and the crappy blood sugars that went on for weeks, she told me to stop berating myself for the A1C result. And I had been beating myself up in the exam room while attempting to prevent The Kid from stealing a box of alcohol swabs, thinking I should have been trying harder and doing more.
So, I am going to try harder and do more.
Try harder to not be so hard on myself.
Do more celebrating of the A1C I have.
Try harder to remember that I’m doing more now that I did in past years.
Like I said, it was higher.
It’s a good starting point.
A little reminder to all - I’m not comparing myself to anyone else when it comes to A1Cs.
Everyone has a different A1C and if it’s 14.0% or 10.4% (Another quite popular A1C for me…) or 8.0% or 5.5%, it’s O.K. - it’s one point in our life, but it’s not the end. It’s a point and it’s always a starting point. You can choose to share it out loud like me or keep it to yourself, like my esteemed colleague, Scott of Rolling In The D, who gives his own great reason. I choose to share because somewhere out there is someone who thinks that they’ll never go from 14.0% to a “normal” A1C… and I want that person to know that it is possible.
And I’m rooting for you. And me. And all of us.